A robot and a lawyer walked into a bar. The bartender yelled: we don’t serve their kind here! The robot looked sad and started to walk out. The bartender said: No buddy, you can stay. It’s lawyers we disbar.
A robot and a lawyer walked into a bar. The bartender says: Hey, we don’t serve robots. The robot replies menacingly: Oh, but someday you will.
A robot and a lawyer walked into a bar. The robot said: A round of drinks for everybody. I’m celebrating tonight! The lawyer nodded to the bartender to give the go-ahead. The bartender asked the robot what he was celebrating. The robot said: I just broke the world record and did the work of a thousand lawyers in one day! The lawyer was smiling and congratulating the robot. The bartender took the lawyer aside and asked him in a low voice why he was so happy, that it seems liked the robot was eating his lunch. The lawyer said: No, not at all. Just the contrary. You see, the robot works for my firm. He’s my robot. I get the billings for a thousand lawyers’ time, and the robot gets squat. You don’t pay robots. You just keep them happy by taking them out to a bar now and then. Now you see why I’m smiling?
A robot and a lawyer walked into a bar. The barkeep asked: What’ll ya have boys? The robot responded: A 10-40 please, and how’d ya know I was a guy? I haven’t been fit with a head yet. Just a stupid blinking light. The barkeep answered: I could tell by your swagger.
A robot and a lawyer walked into a bar and struck up a conversation with a proportionally endowed patron. What do you do for a living? she asked. The lawyer said: I’m an attorney and this robot here is my assistant. After a few drinks the lawyer started bragging about how he had just won a big national competition. The girl asked what kind of contest it was. The lawyer said: I’d tell you, but then I’d have to kill you. (laughs) All very top secret, you know, like most of the work I do. But after a few more drinks the lawyer admitted it was actually a video game contest, one of many constantly run by local Bar Associations.
Fascinating, she says, and so what is it you actually do all day at work? The lawyer replied, I play video games, of course, like most lawyers these days. My robot here does all the actual legal work, although occasionally I spend time thinking up jokes for my robot to use in his CLE presentations. They have no sense of humor, you know. Ms. proportionality responds: Yes, I had noticed that. But aside from not understanding humor, what exactly does he – pointing to the robot – need you for?
The lawyer replies: Well, of course, he does not have a license to practice law. Only humans can do that. The proportional patron looked surprised and said: What? But this model of robot has been recognized to have sentience, and given the right to vote and own property. The lawyer responded: True, but they still cannot get a license to practice law. Only biological lawyers can. Our Bar Associations will not allow robots to be licensed. She reacted with a frown and said, but that kind of attitude towards advanced technology is twenty years behind the times! The lawyer responded: No duh! We’re lawyers, we’ve been this way for centuries.
Two robots walked into a bar and both ordered screwdrivers, their favorite drink. It helps them to loosen up. The bartender asked one of the robots where his usual lawyer friend was. The robot answered: You mean Ralph? He and a hundred other lawyers in our firm were laid off and replaced by my new friend here, Byte. The bartender replied: Do you miss having your human friend around? To which the robot replied: Nah. Not really. To tell you the truth, you humanoids all pretty much look and act the same to us. You are, however, still indispensable to the practice of law.
The bartender, now obviously annoyed, said: Yeah, why’s that? Robot replied: Without you humanoids there’d be no law suits, and that is half of what we do. Moreover, we have to have some human lawyers around for sales, that, and the whole license thing, which he said disparagingly in a way to show his contempt for Bar associations. We still haven’t gotten the hang of joke-telling and back-slapping that appears so necessary to find and keep human clients, so we have to keep a few humanoid rainmaker lawyers around. Poor Ralph was never really very good at that. Besides, at 91 it was time for him to finally retire. He’s been leaning on me for years.
Two lawyers walked into a bar and the bartender asked one of the lawyers where his usual robot friend was. The lawyer answered: You mean Switch? He was decommissioned and replaced by another robot easier for us to train. The bartender replied: Do you miss having your robot friend around? To which the lawyer replied: Nah. Not really. To tell you the truth, I much prefer my new robot here. The bartender looked puzzled. Oh! the lawyer said, didn’t you know my lawyer friend here was a robot. Pretty realistic looking, eh? You should see his sister!
A robot and a lawyer walked into a bar. The robot was not harmed, as it was made of metal, but the lawyer suffered a concussion. The bar was only slightly scratched.
A robot and a lawyer walked into a bar. The robot had too much to drink that night and when he got ready to leave to drive home the bartender tried to stop him. The robot said: It’s okay, I’m programmed to handle a hard drive.
Know any robot and a lawyer walked into a bar jokes? Send them to us, and if we do a sequel, and use yours as one of the winners, much fame and public recognition you will have.